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Breaking Awkward

I miss clicking on all your pics and reading your stuff!

J

New Site

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Breaking Awkward

So long to this yellow blog.  It definitely was a good one to me.

"So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow..."

Quick Link

I wrote a post over at Sprocket Ink about my view and take on what went down for our nation a couple days ago.

It became pretty important to me and I hope you give it a read.

Click Here

Q&A For No Reason

A long, long time ago, (I sound so dramatic.  It was just a few months ago.  We have worked out our issues about it.) a fellow blogger friend asked me to do a Q&A post from a few questions she had for me.  I will answer anything* so of course I was up for the challenge.



Q.  How sure are you that you haven't fathered an illegitimate child?

A. And we're off.  Well, unless I get that knock on the door and some 18 year old is on my doorstep saying 'guess what?'... I'm pretty sure I'm safe. I'm safe. Totally safe.



Q. Would you be a gigolo for the right price?

A. Yes I would.  The right price?  That's easy.  Hugs.



Q. What is your favorite analogy?

A.  I have two.  The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.  And... My vocabulary is as bad as, like, whatever.



Q.  Favorite movie scene.  Not movie.  Movie scene.


A.






Q.  On a scale of 1-10, how physically attracted are you to women that walk with a limp?

A.  A solid and positive 4.  4 is good.  4 is going places.   ....I feel like this is a trap.


Q.  Who's your hero?

A.  Mariah Carey, maybe Foo Fighters.


Q. What song makes you laugh every time you hear it?

A.  Not a song... but a clip.  A wonderful, wonderful clip.   

Favorite part is at 1:18-ish.  Also, his reaction at the very end.




Q.  Do you dance?  Can you? Will you?  On video?

A.  No.  No.  Yes.  No.


Q.  Love, friendship, sex.  What would the percentage for each of those be?  How would they add up to 100% in your ideal relationship?

A.  30% is love.  30% is friendship.  30% is sex.  10% is syrup.


There you have it.  A quick Q&A session.  If you have questions you are dying for me to answer, send me an email by clicking the nifty little envelope icon up on the right.  This Q&A thing.. it might be a new feature here.  It also might be a horrible idea.  50/50.


*not true.

And How Have YOU Been?

It's been 18 days since my last post.  I've heard people say that if you take an extended absence with posting on your blog, you can lose a ton of readers.  I can see that being true.  I gained a few followers in 18 days.  How awesome is that?  In no way do I think I have better things to say than the next writer, but I will say it's kind of cool to come back to the site and still see things pretty much the same.  But I did do some cleaning.  I made this place a bit less (in my mind) cluttered.  White seems to make everything fresh and new.  My 'Scanner Darkly' mug up top, not so much.  But I can live with that.  My hair has never looked better.

So much as been going on this past month or so.  As you know, Sprocket Ink has started up and it has been amazing right out of the gate.  So many incredible writers with original personalities.  Things just keep getting better and better over there.  If you haven't checked it out yet, you must really hate America. 

Studio30 Plus has been increasing in membership daily and I can't be happier with that community.  Every week writers are submitting their posts to us, writing about our weekly prompts and continuing to promote this great community of writers.

But I do know that it's time to get back to writing some stuff here.  It's time to take a step back and focus on what is going on around me.  Writer's block is funny to me.  I will never consider myself a writer.  That is also funny to me.  I do however, know what it means to stare at a blank screen for hours and having nothing to show for it.  It happens to us all I suppose.  We just have to get back and stare at the screen for as long as it takes.  Tonight it has been almost 2 1/2 hours since typing "It's been 18 days since my last post".  I'm hoping for a one hour session tomorrow.

How Many Links Can I Place In The Shortest Post Possible?

So I entered a drawing for this.  And today was the drawing.  And I lost.  To her.

But...

Elly blames today's song on me....



So she's pretty awesome.  And expecting.  And also writes here.  So triple awesome.

I'm a pretty nice guy to lose the drawing and still market her socks off? 

I dunno, maybe I just really like doing the hump.

Check out Elly.  And Hellachella.  They are badasses.

How To Eat Canadian Candy

Remember when the lovely Canadian sent me a package of candy?  There was a certain bag inside of the package of candy that is kind of like the president of all the other candies.  The boss.  The one all the other candies aspire to be.  That would be the bag of Smarties.  When I was told about these I was very nonchalant, saying stuff like "oh, you mean like M&M's?"

Turns out, you don't want to compare Smarties with M&M's to a Canadian.  Not even once.

Oh, there's more.  There's even a system as to how you must eat them.  A pattern you must follow, if you will.  And I'm DYING to share the instructions with you.  I will even give you the exact instructions that my friend gave me.

And one more thing: I have pictures to prove it.

**

HOW TO EAT CANADIAN CANDY

I feel giddy.

Okay.

Step 1: pour them all out.

Step 2: separate the colours.  (she said colours so you know it's official)

Step 3: starting with the colour that has the MOST, form a horizontal row at the top and work your way down.  It will resemble an upside down triangle, but with a vertical line to the left.

Step 4: from the right, eat the stragglers. The goal for this step is to systematically work your way to the point where all the colours have the same number of Smarties.

Step 5: when you've gotten to that point, you're free to eat them as you wish, with the only rule being - YOU MUST EAT THE RED ONES LAST.

Also, the urban legend is that the green ones make you horny. 

I feel a little nervous that your triangle might not be right, but it'll probably be good enough.

If you have a piece of ruled paper, this works best because then you can line up the left side along the margin and use the rows to keep everything straight.

Godspeed, my friend.  Godspeed.

**

And that is how you eat candy in Canada.  Very structured with rules on what goes first and more importantly which color makes your horny.

I totally want to be a Canadian...candy maker...scientist..guy.

Stop Crowding Me

No one told me that when you start a brand new site from scratch, other things might suffer.  Like your other writing space.  And the sad thing is that I only did two posts this week over at the new place.  Pretty pathetic.

But I'm extremely proud of our first week.  We really hit the ground running and think this will really turn into something special.  

So Friday's will more than likely be my weekly wrap up where I link to you my other posts that I've done.  Every single...both of them.  I know, I know...  I'm extremely driven.  And handsome.

Angelina Is Not Adopting

Brad Picks Emi...Oh They Broke Up

Check out all the great posts in the first week of the new site.  Great writers, man.  And maybe I will put some effort into writing some more here.  Whatever man. Stop crowding me, you're not my dad.

Big News

There are a couple things that I'm excited to share.

One is that I just received my 200th follower (without the help from Blogger.  Jerks).  I can't imagine that the thought processes I type down for you to read have granted me 200 of you.  I've met some amazing people since starting this blog and I'm really glad you all clicked Connect.  It means a lot.

The other big news is that I am branching out.  Today actually.  Today is the launch of a brand new site called Sprocket Ink. (see the nifty badge on the side there?) I had this crazy idea in my head a few months ago...why not design a site for a group of top notch writers to write about stuff?  So with the help from Jules, we can finally announce that the launch is today!  Entertainment and Celebrity Gossip, News and Politics, Lifestyle and Humor.  All with creativity and a bit of snark.  Perfect combo.  I think you will like it.  Around 5 posts a day, so keep checking today as our first day fills up and we are off and running.

Come check out the site.  Check out the crew.  Follow our twitter.  Friend our page.

Also, I fell this weekend off a concrete slab while playing disc golf, scraping the holy off my shin.  They said I looked like a graceful swan.

First Times

Last night, my friend Erin shared something on Facebook that was pretty awesome.  Not only for the fact that the story was awesome, but it also gave me a post idea for the weekly prompt at Studio30 Plus.  So...double awesome.

"I let Maxine stay up to watch The Empire Strikes Back in her room.  I just heard her yell, "Holy Cwap! Darf Vadar is Luke's Fadder!"  It's neat that she's just learning that.  Another Star Wars fan."

Now I totally got Erin's permission to use miss Max and this story to prompt this post for me.  Erin told me that her other kids just have no interest in Star Wars, except for Max.  She was on the edge of her bed just engulfed in all things of the Force.

Max is five.

It got me wishing that I could experience that father/son moment again for the first time.  It also got me reminiscing on other first time things.  Watching the debut of MTV when it was a 6 video rotation it seemed, 24 hours a day.  I know that St. Elsewhere was actually in a snowglobe from the imagination of an autistic boy.  I remember thinking Jaws was actually IN the movie theater.  I remember Jordan's shot against the Cavs.  The one from the free throw line where after he shoots he runs, jumps 10 feet and fist pumps.  I ran out into the driveway and jumped...2 feet.  I can't jump like Mike, but I did the fist pump.  I remember the old Batman TV show and hiding behind the couch the first time I saw The Joker because he scared the crap out of me.  I also remember being in the 6th grade, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger blow up in the sky.  I know who shot JR.   My favorite show as a kid was The Waltons.  Not because of the show, I don't really remember it.  It was my favorite because I knew if it was on, then we were having breakfast for dinner. 

There are many first time things I remember as a child.  Things like what Max just got to experience and with the intesity she experienced it with.  To see The Empire Strikes Back again?  For the first time on the edge of my bed?  Yeah, I'm with you Max.