Well I have picked the winner. I had some really funny answers to certain questions but there was just something about the performance of one certain blogger that made it impossible to overlook. I'm not sure if it was the witty answers, the pictures or the use of video... but that is commitment, people. I think these dolls are in for some fun. So with that I give you the winner and her winning answers.
1. Favorite cartoon growing up and why.
I always loved Bugs Bunny. It was a family tradition for me, my brother and my grandfather to sit together and watch it. My grandfather would laugh hysterically and honestly, I'd laugh at his laughing more often than at the cartoon.
I thought that Yosemite Sam was the shit. He was the roughest, toughest, he-man stuffest hombré that's ever crossed the Rio Grande.
In fact, I was so impressed with him that I married him.
"Note that the hair is a different color but the general appearance is the same."
Of course I was also attracted to the same type of behavior. This clip of Yosemite Sam could be a dead ringer for my own Mr.Man...
I always loved Bugs Bunny. It was a family tradition for me, my brother and my grandfather to sit together and watch it. My grandfather would laugh hysterically and honestly, I'd laugh at his laughing more often than at the cartoon.
I thought that Yosemite Sam was the shit. He was the roughest, toughest, he-man stuffest hombré that's ever crossed the Rio Grande.
In fact, I was so impressed with him that I married him.
"Note that the hair is a different color but the general appearance is the same."
Of course I was also attracted to the same type of behavior. This clip of Yosemite Sam could be a dead ringer for my own Mr.Man...
Heh heh heh...he has mellowed over the years...
2. If you had any last words on your tombstone, what would it say?
Here I lie, deader than hell. Good thing they buried me before I started to smell.
3. Explain why you put your underwear on first?
There was a time in my life when I didn't wear underwear. I didn't have to worry about whether to put my underwear on first or not. But then I turned 25 and finally learned how to use the potty. When I got rid of the diapers, I bought lots and lots of beautiful underwear. It was so beautiful in fact that I wanted to show it off to the entire world. So I did. Except the police didn't like it and they told me I had to wear clothes over my beautiful underwear or I'd have to go to jail. Well..since I had never fully recovered from living in a cage when I was part of the freak show for the travelling circus, I decided to wear clothes over my underwear.
4. If you could give a ticket for a social crime (not washing hands while in bathroom, tailgating someone in traffic), what would it be and why?
I would definitely bust people for never laughing. I mean, that is not normal and they should be tickled until they piss themselves. I know that YOU KNOW exactly what kind of person I'm talking about.
I won't name names or anything but some of these straight laced people are influential.That could be dangerous. You might get entire countries acting like a bunch of unhappy gits.
"This IS my smiley face.Now get me some tea."
5. What's the one non-sexual item that always makes you think about sex and why.
Cucumbers...
I believe this picture explains the answer better than anything I could say...
6. Miley Cyrus. Go.
Miley Cyrus isn't a bad kid. Really she isn't. She's just the product of the reunion of a love sick couple that overcame their achy breaky hearts.
When her parents were dating in high school, her mother broke things off with her dad. She began dating a guy with a normal haircut who's goals in life included more than Billy Ray's. After all, it's not every day that a man decides he's going to make noises resembling two dogs getting stuck together while they're fucking and turn it into country music gold.
Billy Ray just couldn't allow the romance to die though.
He chased poor old Cindy Lou, even while sowing the seeds of love among the other little gals in town.(Miley has a brother who's the same age as her who's mama is a different woman than her own mama...)
Cindy Lou just couldn't take it.
She sicked her dog on him and asked her brother Cliff to get him to leave her alone.
So her dog bit Billy Ray and her brother punched him...(one should question WHERE the dog bit him or good ole Cliff punched him).
Still it didn't deter him. He climbed up the trash pile next to Cindy Lou's window one night and sang her a song of love from his heart...his achy breaky heart. She was so overcome with love that she said if he'd cut off that stupid looking mullet she'd take him back. They bought a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken and a six pack of beer and got married the next day...(on account that Cindy Lou was in the family way.)
What chance did poor little Miley have?
"Yeesssirreee! I figured that if'n my daddy could sing and earn him some money, then I could too. So I done went and done it!"
7. If you could choose your power couple name (Brangelina, Bennifer), what would it be and why?
A power couple name huh? It would have to be Dammie! Dammie would not only represent the essence of both Mr.Man and myself, it is a statement!
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a Dammie!"
People all over the world could do great things like running drunk and naked through the streets, farting on people in convenience stores and basically doing dumb and silly things, stating that they did it because they didn't give a Dammie!
8. What's the greatest "As Seen On TV" product ever made and why?
The SHAMWOW! Not only does that motherfucker hold a kiddie pool of water, we were introduced to the Shamwow dude, Vince. Do you have any idea of the entertainment that has brought into people's lives? I myself have enjoyed countless hours of entertainment. While cleaning up spills, I make one eye squinty while saying in a Boston accent, "You following me camera guy?".
You have no idea how much more fun it is to do my dirty work now.
9. What is worse? Accidentally peeing on yourself or being on the business end of a dutch oven? (If you don't know what a dutch oven is, find out. Very crucial points here.)
First of all, a dutch oven is a thing of beauty. It requires careful planning and preparation. One wrong move and you allow for a small air hole and then the whole thing is screwed. I have been on the giving and receiving end of a dutch oven. Quite frankly I don't think it's a bad thing. Occasionally, a dutch oven has given me a craving for an egg salad sandwich...so I'm ok with that.
Now the peeing on myself thing....well...I've experienced that too.
I do those stupid fucking Kegels all the damn time and still I manage to pee a little when I sneeze. It's just not right. I can flatten a tennis ball with my hoochie coo but I can't hold my urine during a sneezing fit?
That's just messed up.
I have to go with the peeing on myself. It sucks!
10. How do you feel about creepy pervy dolls? (You have no idea just. how. creepy.)
I have DREAMED about the day I might own my creepy pervy dolls! I could do so many wonderful things with them! I could illustrate different "things" that need illustrating with anatomically correct dolls for my blog! I could take them to the grocery store with me on Elderly Hell day! I could take a picture of them doing things I'd like to do to Mr.Man and send it to him on his cell phone.
It would give me the GREATEST PLEASURE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE to own the pervy dolls!!!
The possibilities are endless!
I could greet the Jehovah's Witnesses at the door with them!
Wake the kids for school!
Use them to make rude gestures to stupid drivers when I'm in the car!
2. If you had any last words on your tombstone, what would it say?
Here I lie, deader than hell. Good thing they buried me before I started to smell.
3. Explain why you put your underwear on first?
There was a time in my life when I didn't wear underwear. I didn't have to worry about whether to put my underwear on first or not. But then I turned 25 and finally learned how to use the potty. When I got rid of the diapers, I bought lots and lots of beautiful underwear. It was so beautiful in fact that I wanted to show it off to the entire world. So I did. Except the police didn't like it and they told me I had to wear clothes over my beautiful underwear or I'd have to go to jail. Well..since I had never fully recovered from living in a cage when I was part of the freak show for the travelling circus, I decided to wear clothes over my underwear.
4. If you could give a ticket for a social crime (not washing hands while in bathroom, tailgating someone in traffic), what would it be and why?
I would definitely bust people for never laughing. I mean, that is not normal and they should be tickled until they piss themselves. I know that YOU KNOW exactly what kind of person I'm talking about.
I won't name names or anything but some of these straight laced people are influential.That could be dangerous. You might get entire countries acting like a bunch of unhappy gits.
"This IS my smiley face.Now get me some tea."
5. What's the one non-sexual item that always makes you think about sex and why.
Cucumbers...
I believe this picture explains the answer better than anything I could say...
6. Miley Cyrus. Go.
Miley Cyrus isn't a bad kid. Really she isn't. She's just the product of the reunion of a love sick couple that overcame their achy breaky hearts.
When her parents were dating in high school, her mother broke things off with her dad. She began dating a guy with a normal haircut who's goals in life included more than Billy Ray's. After all, it's not every day that a man decides he's going to make noises resembling two dogs getting stuck together while they're fucking and turn it into country music gold.
Billy Ray just couldn't allow the romance to die though.
He chased poor old Cindy Lou, even while sowing the seeds of love among the other little gals in town.(Miley has a brother who's the same age as her who's mama is a different woman than her own mama...)
Cindy Lou just couldn't take it.
She sicked her dog on him and asked her brother Cliff to get him to leave her alone.
So her dog bit Billy Ray and her brother punched him...(one should question WHERE the dog bit him or good ole Cliff punched him).
Still it didn't deter him. He climbed up the trash pile next to Cindy Lou's window one night and sang her a song of love from his heart...his achy breaky heart. She was so overcome with love that she said if he'd cut off that stupid looking mullet she'd take him back. They bought a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken and a six pack of beer and got married the next day...(on account that Cindy Lou was in the family way.)
What chance did poor little Miley have?
"Yeesssirreee! I figured that if'n my daddy could sing and earn him some money, then I could too. So I done went and done it!"
7. If you could choose your power couple name (Brangelina, Bennifer), what would it be and why?
A power couple name huh? It would have to be Dammie! Dammie would not only represent the essence of both Mr.Man and myself, it is a statement!
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a Dammie!"
People all over the world could do great things like running drunk and naked through the streets, farting on people in convenience stores and basically doing dumb and silly things, stating that they did it because they didn't give a Dammie!
8. What's the greatest "As Seen On TV" product ever made and why?
The SHAMWOW! Not only does that motherfucker hold a kiddie pool of water, we were introduced to the Shamwow dude, Vince. Do you have any idea of the entertainment that has brought into people's lives? I myself have enjoyed countless hours of entertainment. While cleaning up spills, I make one eye squinty while saying in a Boston accent, "You following me camera guy?".
You have no idea how much more fun it is to do my dirty work now.
9. What is worse? Accidentally peeing on yourself or being on the business end of a dutch oven? (If you don't know what a dutch oven is, find out. Very crucial points here.)
First of all, a dutch oven is a thing of beauty. It requires careful planning and preparation. One wrong move and you allow for a small air hole and then the whole thing is screwed. I have been on the giving and receiving end of a dutch oven. Quite frankly I don't think it's a bad thing. Occasionally, a dutch oven has given me a craving for an egg salad sandwich...so I'm ok with that.
Now the peeing on myself thing....well...I've experienced that too.
I do those stupid fucking Kegels all the damn time and still I manage to pee a little when I sneeze. It's just not right. I can flatten a tennis ball with my hoochie coo but I can't hold my urine during a sneezing fit?
That's just messed up.
I have to go with the peeing on myself. It sucks!
10. How do you feel about creepy pervy dolls? (You have no idea just. how. creepy.)
I have DREAMED about the day I might own my creepy pervy dolls! I could do so many wonderful things with them! I could illustrate different "things" that need illustrating with anatomically correct dolls for my blog! I could take them to the grocery store with me on Elderly Hell day! I could take a picture of them doing things I'd like to do to Mr.Man and send it to him on his cell phone.
It would give me the GREATEST PLEASURE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE to own the pervy dolls!!!
The possibilities are endless!
I could greet the Jehovah's Witnesses at the door with them!
Wake the kids for school!
Use them to make rude gestures to stupid drivers when I'm in the car!
Here are some other great answers from some great people :
If you could give a ticket for a social crime (not washing hands while in bathroom, tailgating someone in traffic), what would it be and why?
Sally - Camel toe in public. I saw this chick one time with a toe so advanced, she could've bent her knees and picked up a kleenex.
Erin - Right now Max is pinching my arm fat and telling me that I have to give her candy or she'll keep doing "whatever I don't want her to do". Can someone hold her for questioning for awhile? Just while I do this and then send out a few invoices?
If you could choose your power couple name (Brangelina, Bennifer), what would it be and why? I'm confused. Am I supposed to combine mine and B's name? Or pick a real celebrity couple name? Or invent one based on real celebrities? This is too much work. Can I just use my real name? I think it's pretty powerful in its own right. Spelled backwards it's anal. If that isn't an attention grabber then I don't know what is.
What's the one one-sexual item that always makes you think about sex and why? One? One? Who the hell are you talking to? If it's even remotely shaped like a penis, it makes me think of sex. Hell...even if it isn't. Balloons....Ranch dressing...trees. TREES! WOOD! BIG WOOD TREES! ......I haven't gotten any in awhile.
.............
There you go..... Congratulations BG. Email me your address now. Yes, I need it. The rule is that you must create a contest on your blog and give these dolls away as well. Before you send them out, you must take at least one picture with them and post it. I am thinking you will be posting a bunch of them.... I'm terrified.
8 comments:
"I tawt i taw a putty tat"..
Also, there was a time when i went to school without underwear and i was very embarassed, and my mom was futile when she found out. I didn't give a Dammie!
For the record, though, "You're gunna love my nuts" ties with Shamwow;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vm03Dgu_yXA
congrats BG!!!!!!
j, you have no idea how relieved i am that i didn't win :) but BG's use of video and pics really shows how to step it up. thanks for sharing!
Yes, I'd say the Blonde Goddess earned those dolls fair and square. That Miley Cyrus answer was quite possibly the most awesome thing I've read all week. I read a lot.
Also, I think the dolls are going to someone that will appreciate their pervyness...not be ashamed.
Congrats to the winner!
And Sal's answer has officially been stolen and placed in my "stolen materials to be used on unsuspecting strangers" book.
i really wish i would have found you a week sooner. my life could desperately use some pervy dolls.... guess i'll have to wait for her contest! i was hoping she would win because she's one crazy biatch.
I told you! At least I got another honorable mention.
I didn't think that my answers to these ones were as funny as the ones to OWO. I'm random.
I love the look on your face in this picture...good times.
You should make an award to go with that picture.
Maybe along the lines of "you're pervy--and I like it."
OMG!!!
I WON!
I WON!
I WON?
Man I was worried.
I knew the competition would be fierce so I HAD to step it up and REALLY try my best.
Heh heh heh...Pervy dolls....
JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I DO WITH THEM!!!!
I AM SOOO HAPPY!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!
K this was fu##in funny. Cheers! Blonde!!
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