A Little Reminder

I'm standing outside of the theater door after a movie and this couple is coming towards me. As they get closer, the guy looks at me and says "Yeah, whatever."  Then the girl that's with him says, "Yeah, but he is so attractive."

I think to myself :  In response to the guy - What did you just say to me? and to the girl - Of course, sweetheart.

I turn to my right and realized that I was standing next to a movie poster of New Moon and the guy they were talking about was that Robert Pattinson guy.

So turns out, I'm not that attractive and maybe a bit self-absorbed.

Just Some Of My Weirdness

Doesn't everyone have certain issues that makes them unique?  Here are some of mine...and don't judge me.

- I have to blow through a straw before I put it in my drink.  To make sure there isn't any crap on the inside of the straw, even if it had just been previously wrapped.

- When purchasing anything that is racked (DVDs, books, magazines etc.) I never grab the top one.  I usually go three or four in. 

- I hang up laundry in this order :  short sleeved shirts, long sleeve shirts, pants, jeans.  Every time.

- I don't eat after people.  Sandwiches especially.  They always offer you the side that they just chewed on and it's always all soggy from their mouths..... gross.

- As you know, I don't care for heights.  I was on a Ferris Wheel once and it stopped at the top.  I literally thought my last day on earth was going to be me crying on a Ferris Wheel.

- If I misspell a word,  I will backspace the entire word and start over.  If i misspell a word and don't notice it until after typing out 4 or 5 more words, I will backspace until I get to the misspelled word and start again from that point.  I don't know why.

- Bags of chips are usually a one sitting thing for me.  Not that I will eat the entire bag, but I absolutely hate stale chips and I believe chips go stale the minute air hits them.  So...I have one sitting to make sure I get my fill.  This theory is with a bunch of things actually.  My grocery bill is outrageous.

- I like the left side of the bed. Every time.  Deal with it.

- I can't fall asleep until I pop my right ankle.

What are some of your "issues"?

Weekend Pictures

 

Angela (she runs marathons BTW) at the Just The Tipps sign, setup, view, kickass firepit and the guy behind us.  The one with the roof.

Back From The Tower That Tried To Kill Me

Back to civilization.  Very good time in the woods.  Relaxing.  A lot can be said with waking up to a sunset and the sound of water.  It was just my best friend and I on this small trip.  We both had reasons to get out of town.  As we got down there we found out that if we wanted to get by the water, all that they had left was the area that didn't have any amenities.  No showers, electrical hook-ups or grills.  We decided that by the lake is most important because it's why we went down there.  If we just wanted some grass with an AC outlet, we could have camped out in someone's backyard.  She noticed the name of the area that we decided to camp at.  Tipps Point which without hesitation stated, "I see we will be staying at Just The Tipps Point this weekend."  I laughed then was mad at myself for not seeing the sign first.  We got a great spot right on the edge of the lake.  Just enough space in between some trees for our tent, sitting area and our homemade, yes homemade, fire pit.  We had a guy behind us with his lab that was pretty militant about his setup.  He was going all out, including making a roof out of a tarp. Little did we know that he had a lady friend coming later that day.  We assume he was all about impressing her when in fact, he was the wise one because it rained on two separate occasions.  We had a great Mexican family by us that would stay up until 2 in the morning singing songs in Spanish.  Yep, one of them brought a guitar.  It's funny how 9:30 pm at the lake, feels like 1:30 am at home.  I guess being surrounded by darkness can have that effect.  We took a hike and went to this nature center that had a tower to walk up.  We did and as I stepped foot out the door at the top, my annoying fear of heights set in and I was white-knuckled for a bit.  She had a laugh as I had to take my hat off and clutch it tightly in my hand.  Turns out, when I am really high up, it helps to have everything that I have very secure...and a hat that could just fall off the side of a tower to its death...is not secure.  No I'm not crazy.  We had to buy ice a bunch of times....  almost 4 bucks a bag.  Recession?  There was also the revelation that my friend was deathly afraid of water snakes.  That was fun to learn.  We also had some friends visit us at night looking for food.  Raccoons.  We had a guy one night that kept yelling at someone.  Like he was trying to scare them.  Like 10 times in a row.  I called him the "Short-Term Memory Monster of Just The Tipps Point." 

All in all, it was a perfect "get out of the city for a few days and just....be."

But I'm back.  And I need to know that all of you missed me.

Two For Flinching

Just wanted to let all my tens of readers that I am heading out in a few hours to get away for Memorial Day weekend.  Heading out to the lake for some camping.  You know, hot dogs, tents and raccoons trying to get to the food at night.  Awesome.  I'm sure there will be a hike as well. Hopefully we will get to the dead body first so we can show Kiefer just who's boss.

Everyone have a fun Memorial Day weekend.  Don't forget to take a moment and remember all of our military.  Perspective, my friends.

Be safe!

Dear Little Kid Behind Me At A High School Graduation

Dear Little Kid Behind Me At A High School Graduation,

You're adorable. You have a laugh that had everyone around you grinning from ear to ear. Your inquisitive nature was a joy to be around in a muggy auditorium for two hours. Your parents must be so proud of you...but if you decide to kick my chair or grab my shirt one more time because you can't decide if you want up or down...I will take you and throw you over them mountains.

Here's to having your whole life is ahead of you,

Guy Who Is Seriously Deciding Against Having Kids

One Hour Of My Life On Shuffle

Everyday I am plugged into my iPod. I've decided to share one hour with you. This is sort of dangerous because there are a bunch of songs on this thing. Some songs that I am quite positive I don't want shared publicly. Most of them I am okay with but with this hour on shuffle mode, you never know when I might be dancing on the ceiling or when Michael is trying to find out if Annie is okay. But I'm game. Here it is. One hour. One iPod. On shuffle. God help me.

"no i can't recall any love at all, baby this blows 'em all away" why can't this be love/van halen - "won't you love down upon me Jesus, you got to help me make a stand" fire & rain/james taylor - "i needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose" best of you/foo fighters - "tell me all the places we could go and count the headlights passing on the road, a long long time ago" at the stars/better than ezra - "too many things i do not care for, but one thing that i adore" a girl like you/pete yorn - "i'll be counting up my demons, yeah" everything's not lost/coldplay - "a little more bite & a little less bark, a little less fight & a little more spark" a little less conversation/elvis presley - "are these times contagious, i've never been this bored before" run/collective soul - "when everyone is cold as ice, i clinch my fists and close my eyes" good intentions/toad the wet sprocket - "the way you keep your distance is keeping my interest so i'll keep it persistent" shy that way/tristan prettyman & jason mraz - "does he realize he came down here, and he took you too soon" not even the trees/hootie and the blowfish - "you say you'll give me a highway with no one on it" all i want is you/u2 - "like a serenade of sound, now my feet won't touch the ground" life in technicolor ii/coldplay

It Was Like I Was In Mexico

Wal-Mart has section in the grocery store that's labeled Hispanic Foods.  As I take a peek at this section... I see salsa and Taco Bell products.  That's it.

You nailed it Wal-Mart.  Nothing says authentic Mexican cuisine than Pace Picante and Double Decker meal kits.

Interview : Sally-Sal

Sally-Sal over at You. Me. No Adult Supervision decided to take her chance and ask me some questions.

This is our story.

1. What's the best thing you've ever done for someone? Mom, Dad, sister, brother, hooker that you tipped?

Besides the hooker, obviously, I'm going to get a bit serious right off the bat and say the best thing I've ever done for someone was letting go.

2. What books/movies/TV shows are you into right now?

Why? You find me a better written show than The Office and I'll reveal a big fat liar. Who's also probably a drunk. The Bachelor and Dancing With The Stars just for Melissa Rycroft. After Dancing she will be starring in my heart. Zoolander and Anchorman for some reason have been all over me in recent weeks. I'm not sure if it's the "Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude." or "I'm in a glass case of emotion!"... but I can't get me enough Zoo and Ron.

3. If you saw a person with a booger hanging out of their face piece, would you tell them or just pretend it was a new kind of piercing?

This has happened to everyone and you can always feel hangers. I say they are on their own, but I will cheer if they are eating and the hanger loses its grip and falls in the soup. True story.

4. Why the anger with Tylenol? You mentioned Tylenol by name.

Tylenol was just an innocent bystander. The real reason is that I couldn't spell Ibuprofen. Sorry Tylenol.

5. If you found out that you had about a month left to live, what would you change?

Pretty much what everyone in the world would do: Say goodbye to loved ones. It's all that matters. I would also drive to California and run Paris Hilton over with my car. Over and over...until it was done.

WOPTSNBUIDL Volume 3

Continuing on with Words Or Phrases That Should Not Be Used In Daily Life...

1. Puss Pockets
2. Kumquat
3. Udders
4. Moot
5. De-brief
6. Regurgitate
7. Coitis
8. Rollover Minutes
9. Traveler's Diarrhea
10. Culottes

Interview : Lana

This is my first interview session. The lovely Lana at Mother Hides The Pearls was gracious enough to supply me with 5 hard-hitting, thought provoking questions. It is my duty to answer them with the utmost respect and dignity. Well see about that....

1. have you ever played hot dog bush? if not, please go play it now and tell me what your high score is.

I just got done playing and I had to make 150 bucks the first round. I made 148.00. Thank you Lana. You combined my annoyance of food service with my fear of blue haired old women. All that left is if you make me skydive with some junebugs in my mouth.

2. if you were in hell and got really mad at someone, where would you tell them to go?

Detroit.

3. if you could be anything in a grocery store, what would you be and why? (i got asked this once on a job interview and it freaked me out. like, has someone ever said 'pickles. i'd like to be a jar of pickles.'??)

Let me answer this with two questions : 1. Do I want to be picked up within seconds of being placed on a counter or snagged on a hook? OR 2. Do I want to stay in the grocery store forever? I guess it depends on the mood. If I wanted to end my life quickly, Queso might be nice. Smooth. Ohh... a nice ham, maybe? A kumquat. Just because of the name. So many possibilites. If I wanted to last forever, something in the checkout line that no one ever looks at... like a lint roller. Now, that's the life right there.

4. which is better, being the youngest, middle, oldest, or only child? which were you?

I am number 3 out of 4. I think that is a pretty good draw. Not quite the baby of the family so the older ones still like you and not the oldest so the younger one will trust you with your knowledge. Knowledge of say... "stick your finger in that fan and see if you can stop it"...or something like that.

5. what nickname have you been called that you hate the most?

I don't really have one. See I've never really had friends so I would think getting a nickname would be amazing. I've kind of always wanted one. Is this what you wanted to here Lana? No friends growing up to even receive a stupid nickname? Awesome. Just awesome. I've always hated strangers calling me Bud. Sport. Kiddo. Champ. Tiger. Fella.

A special thanks to Lana for the great questions. There were all riveting and cut me down to the core. I'll be sure to let my therapist know why we are now having to go twice a week now.

If you would like any questions from me...send me an email (top right) or comment this post. I'm sort of a professional question-asker so you know you'll be in good hands. Or I'll make you cry.

Guitar Lessons

I've been learning the guitar for 6 days now. I know where the C and G chord are. I didn't 6 days ago. Going back and forth with any kind of rhythm or continuity is still a struggle but I know where they are and I'm getting better at the transition. Now for the reason of this post: I am not going to name any names because this has happened on more than one occasion. I have had this exact conversation at least 3 times now.

Me : So yeah, I'm finally learning the guitar. This guy at work has agreed to teach me.

Each of them on separate occasions : Oh, does he play?

No no... we've just decided that if we strum loud enough and press down on all the strings really hard, it will eventually work itself out.

C'mon you three.... this is publicity you just don't need.

Grass Is Usually Never Greener

There shouldn't be any homeless people anywhere when clearly there are jobs to be done everywhere.

Stop whining about your job and life. You know who doesn't want to hear it? The one down to his waist in elephant.

What The Captcha?!

What is captcha? Captcha are the letters that you must input before submitting a comment on a blog or pretty much anything on the Internet anymore. It was annoying until it was realized that these words actually have meaning. And I'm here to share five of those wonderful words each week with you.

1. Asole - When you are in a hurry to get out a curse word while in an argument.

2. Grablo - Technical term to describe guys adjusting their junk.

3. Buyson - The company Madonna uses. Also known as : The Black Market.

4. Blinglu - The adhesive used to secure bling to teeth. Also known as : Completely retarded.

5. Unfun - What this batch of captcha's meant to me. I'll hope for a better group next week and yes...this is the official definition. Look. It. Up.

Dear Guy Behind Me In The Crowd At A College Graduation

Dear Guy Behind Me In The Crowd At A College Graduation,

There are literally thousands upon thousands of people trying to get out of the building. We all have graduates we are wanting to take pictures of and hug. It's a graduation for crying out loud. I know you were on the phone yelling about the crowd behind me and how you couldn't believe people couldn't just walk faster...but if you and your woven loafers are ever behind me again and you nudge me out of the way just so you can get in front of me, I will personally see to it that your nose finds the concrete floor. If that sounds a bit harsh, I apologize. My issue with claustrophobia might of had something to do with my disgust for you...or it might have just been because you were a huge ass. Either way, I better never see you again. I will know if I do because not only are you the guy that still wears woven loafers, they also have those stupid tassels. I'll remember.

I hope your graduate has a full and productive future. I hope you get gonorrhea.

All the best,

Guy That Hates Crowds

Miscellaneous Crapola

Today a co-worker brought some no bake cookies with her to the office. For me, no-bake cookies seem very harmless until you eat a couple..or six. I'm pretty much gasping for air right now like Jabba the Hut. "Solo! Hay lapa no ya, Solo!" Ugh.

Right around a year ago I got the idea that I wanted to learn to play the guitar. I went ahead and purchased a decent acoustic/electric guitar with all the accessories. One year later, it is still in the corner of the bedroom. Not one string strummed. Until now. A friend of mine from the office (not the evil no-bake cookie Jabba killer) actually plays the guitar and is very good at it. He has agreed to give me lessons. What this means is that I have one less thing that I have focused on and didn't follow through with. I love small victories.

I was asked to put together a presentation DVD for a lady at work that is retiring after 41 years. They want a retrospective DVD of world events, movies, music, pics of the lady throughout the years, etc... all under 5 minutes. That's 41 years...under 5:00. Not only is that not going to happen, I just might throw in "I Touch Myself" as the background music for the 90's portion. Get that room all kinds of awkward.

Everyone have a great weekend. If anything amazing happens at all in the next two days, I'll come share but since the weekend for me will probably be hibernating out on the couch until 7:00 am Monday morning, the only thing post worthy will be The Tale of the Handful of Disappearing Doritos. I'm going to go ahead and blame the couch cushions.

Top 5 Songs Growing Up Where I Lost My Mind

I been looking at Top 100 songs from years past today and decided to reveal a list of my own. My list will be about songs I loved growing up. Songs that if I heard on the radio, would stop whatever I was doing just to get as close to the radio as I could and how dare anyone that would talk through the song. Most of these songs I will say that I'm not proud of, as I sit here today as a grown ass man... but back in the day... it was all I knew.

So I give you the Top 5 Songs Growing Up Where I Lost My Mind. I'm sure I'll receive comments...

1. Cool It Now - New Edition (1984 - Age 10) I remember sitting in the closet with my boombox with this song. I also remember asking my mom why we weren't black because I wanted to be in New Edition.

2. A-Team Theme Song (1983 - Age 9) When that show came on, I would lose. my. mind. Then for Halloween that year I went to school as B.A. Barracus (Mr.T) I even have pictures to prove it... that you will never see. Ever.

3. Karma Chameleon - Culture Club (1984 - Age 10) I had no idea what I was singing.

4. We Built This City - Starship (1985 - Age 11) At that time, I thought everyone should have their knee deep in the hoopla.

5. Jack and Diane - John Cougar Mellencamp (1982 - Age 8) It was because I really liked chili dogs. I had no idea he was putting his hands between Diane's knees.

What The Captcha?!

I've decided to start a weekly series. I was introduced to a site that was dedicated with revealing the definitions of captcha words. I have decided to help the cause.

What is captcha? Captcha are the letters that you must input before submitting a comment on a blog or pretty much anything on the Internet anymore. It was annoying until it was realized that these words actually have meaning. And I'm here to share five of those wonderful words each week with you.

Treshor - What Enrique Iglesias calls a routine Saturday night out with the women.

Noracke - A very small chested woman. Also known as The Kate Hudson Syndrome.

Ovenpu - The blackened matter at the bottom of the oven that seems to weld itself to the metal becoming annoyingly impossible to chisel off.

Phanzi - Fonzi's gay cousin.

Dutubsi - When a drunk guy in the bar...at the end of the night...finally concedes to take one for the team so his friend can go home with the hot one.

TYF Wins An Award

The crazy amazing Kristine over at Wait In The Van had her Annual Made Up Awards Ceremony yesterday. Yours truly was a winner of a very deserving award and when I say deserving, I mean I begged and begged. The Yellow Factor was presented with The Susan Boyle Award and as you can see from the picture...I just can't be any happier. I would like to thank Kristine for seeing in me what I haven't been able to see in myself for some time now : the ability to throw an awards ceremony.

I see an award coming up for Wait In The Van in the future. I don't know which award yet, but with being recognized for the Susan Boyle award... the possibilities are endless.

If you haven't clicked on the picture or two links to meet Kristine, you have failed me. Here's one more. Now click it.

Kristine at Wait In The Van

Movie Preview: Adam

Good news :  I have found a movie with two up and coming actors, substance and heart.  Kind of rare in this era where the Wayans brothers are still crapping out movies.

Here you go...

Adam

Something In My Eye

It's pretty much a rule that when you are sick, you watch movies. It's also mostly movies you have seen before as well.  I have a habit of watching movies that are depressing while I'm sick.  I'm sure that is the #287 thing I should be talking to a professional about, but here is a small recap of the last couple days :

Thursday night movie was Armageddon.  I've watched that movie many, many times and every time it comes on.... I watch it.  And every time Bruce tosses Ben back into the chamber thing and tells him to take care of his daughter.... something gets caught in my eye.

Friday night was a movie I have never watched.  8 Seconds.  I kind of knew the storyline but was NOT ready for the ending.  I mean I knew he dies but when Dylan McKay gets his rib busted by that bull and the rib pierces his heart.... something in the eye. 

Saturday afternoon... Pearl freakin' Harbor.  "You're gonna be a daddy."  "No...you are."  Give me a break, how big of a something is going to be in my eye this weekend?  

Rudy, Forrest Gump or Radio better not be on tomorrow.  I'm dead serious.