Friday Funny

I just realized that I only did two posts this weekend before this week's Friday Funny. Unacceptable. House hunting sucks sack. Seriously. Next week will be better. A milestone is coming up for The Yellow Factor, maybe some awards given out to some of you sexy individuals (yes, you Mr. C.). In the meantime, bear with me and enjoy some classic Wife Swap. I can sum this one up with one word. Gargoyles. Enjoy the weekend.

A Contest (Sort Of)

A lot of my time on the laptop is spent going over some great blogs. Some blogs I re-read posts over and over, they are that good. I noticed something on a few of them that I actually want for my own : They have nicknames. Some are cool, some are weird but they all are original. Just like the lady in Napoleon eyeing that model ship.. "I waaant that". Here is the deal... I don't really want to come up with it. I have a tendency to over think things and in this case, could talk myself into loving a nickname like Snuggles... or Blackcat. Those are just a couple that come to mind. What I want is for some (all) of my fantastic readers to come up with ideas. I will take the best one and see how it fits. I'm just curious as to what you all would think of. I'm sure I will get some that will make me wonder my path in life or how you managed to pass high school... but it's all good. I like creativity. I don't really think of this as a contest because I'm not sure there is a prize at the end (except me with a kickass name thinking I'm better than everyone), but I'm sure I will be extra special nice to the winner(s). But you could also think about how you are helping out a fellow friend... a best friend perhaps. And that people, are what dreams are made of. So how about it?

Sally and Alyson... be nice.

Yeah, We'll Meet You There...

What happens when plans change... This is what you have to witness when plans change. Two ladies, in a romantic lovelock... gazing into each others eyes, just as it was written. Here is why I took the picture : I had a few friends running in a midnight 5k. Afterwards, they all decided that they wanted to go to this bar to have a drink. I won't name this bar because I have some local readers here and I don't want to offend anyone, since some of them may have proposed there or something. Not really. This is a place that I never go to and was dumbfounded when I heard that this was the place that was chosen. So I went with a couple of friends to this establishment and we order drinks. One of them gets a text that said that the rest of the group has decided to go to another place... a much nicer place. So to recap, we just ordered drinks and have Andre the Giant's sister carrying around an Oompa Loompa in front of us. Oh, and that is a dude sitting in the chair.... in dress clothes.... and a mullet.... enjoying the show. FML.

Friday Funny

Here's some Demetri Martin for your Friday. He's funnier than me...I am aware.

Day One Looking At Houses With The Realtor

It's amazing that what you see on paper, doesn't exactly translate to what you see with your actual eyeballs. The one house that I liked when I very first started this process... was bad. Walking on the hardwood floors was like walking on sand. The bathroom was behind the kitchen at the very back of the house. There were two columns separating the living area with the kitchen. Awkward. Then there was the house we looked at that's like that house from the old neighborhood... nice brick house, charming, full of character, original sinks and cabinets, arched doorways...I love old houses. This one smelled. And was way over priced. And in a sketchy neighborhood. Speaking of neighborhoods... is it just the whole buying a house mentality or do you really start to notice everything around you when you are scoping out a place? We were in front of one tonight and I saw a couple guys standing outside who looked up to no good. They could have been having bible study for all I know but I'm thinking to myself "I wonder if they are out here... every night? That wouldn't be good... what if they want to take my stuff?" I don't know if that's normal thinking when looking at property. Maybe it is. All in all, I found one place out of 5 tonight, that I might want to consider. It had the hardwood floors, the dining area that connects the living area and kitchen, big backyard and a detached garage that can actually house a car. Not like the house above that SAID it has a one car garage and after looking, it was doubtful it could house a scooter. And that place had cats... everywhere. Ugh. I'm in house mode, don't even get me started on cats....

Life On Shuffle. Volume 2

I thought it might be time for another hour of my life on shuffle. It's always as scary thing to randomly subject you fine readers to some of my "tastes".... but here it is. It's not really a post..more like filler. Enjoy. Or not, I don't really care. I'm in a bad mood. Yikes.

1. To Be Young - Ryan Adams "Oh the days the rain would fall your way....Then you be high, cause you got sad....Cause you got sad....Oh man...."

2. You And I Both - Jason Mraz "See I'm all about them words...Over numbers, unencumbered, numbered words...Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words....More words than I had ever heard, and I feel so alive...."

3. Collide - Howie Day "I'm quiet, you know...You make a first impression...I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind..."

4. My Eyes Adored You - Frankie Valli (shut it) "Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see....How I adored you...So close, so close and yet so far..."

5. Walk This Way - Run DMC "Then my next door neighbor had a daughter, had a favor and I gave the girl a little kiss...like this..."

6. Jesus Walks - Kanye West "Well momma... I know I act a fool...But I'll be gone 'til November... I got packs to move..."

7. Never Know - Jack Johnson "It all happened so much faster than you could say disaster...Wanna take a time lapse and look at it backwards..."

8. The Seed 2.0 - The Roots "I don't beg I can hold my own...I don't break I can hold the chrome...And it's weighin' a ton and I'm a son of a gun...My code name is The Only One..."

9. Heartless - Kris Allen "I mean after all of the thing that we've been through...I mean after all the things we got into..."

10. A Thousand Miles From Nowhere - Dwight Yoakam "I got bruises on my memory...I got tear stains on my hands..."

11. Oh! Sweet Nuthin' - The Velvet Underground "And say a word for Joanna Love...She ain't got nothing at all...'Cos everyday she falls in love...And every night she falls when she does..."

12. Band On The Run - Paul McCartney And Wings "Well the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun....And the first one said to the second one there... I hope you're having fun..."

13. You, Me And The Bourgeoisie - The Submarines "Plastic Bottles...Imported Water...Cars we drive wherever we want to...Clothes we buy, it's sweatshop labor...Drugs from corporate enablers...We're not living the Good life...Unless we're fighting the Good fight...You and Me just trying to get it right..."

McKarma

This is a conversation I had with a friend.


Friend - The car in front of me paid my toll on the turnpike the other day so I decided I would take that free dollar and pass it on, so I paid a dollar on the lady's order behind me today at McDonalds. Is that lame? Its just a buck. But hey, thats a sweet tea or an apple pie.

Me - You just became a bit more endearing to me. Be proud.

Friend - I figure if there's one thing to tap into, it's Karma. It's cool because since I was still in line when she found out, I got to see her McSmile. :) She was McHappy AND even though my fries McSuck today, I'm McHappy too~


Karma. McTap Into It. Anyone out there have any good karma stories to share???

Birthday Thanks

Good birthday weekend. Good friends, good atmosphere and very good wine. We were on the balcony of a restaurant/bar downtown where we did encounter a storm headed straight for us. It luckily missed us but did have some winds that actually knocked one of those big patio table umbrella -ella -ella 's straight towards us. After it was wrangled up buy the staff, I looked down and saw the pole of the umbrella(ella-ella) had busted off with the jagged end pointed straight at me. Another 10 mph on that wind and I could have been hit. But the place still had a couple guys playing their acoustic guitars like it was no one's business. Lot's of songs I knew, some I didn't, but when they went in to Coldplay's 'Shiver'... all I wanted to do was grab my guitar and go play. Of course, I'm still learning and all I would probably be able to do is strum the D chord to the Em chord the whole time... but that sequence just might be in the song... And I would rock it. The friends that cared were the ones that came and I really appreciate them. And to all my new Bloggy Bloggerson friends here at this home...thanks so much for all the birthday wishes... I feel lucky to get to read all of your blogs. Some I read for perspective, others I read for strength. Most I read for the pee in your pants humor. It takes all kinds, you know what I'm saying?

Everyone keep doing their thing...

Big Day Tomorrow

Today starts the birthday weekend (tomorrow is the big day) and there is nothing better than this video below to help me get in the right mindset. If this video does not put you in the best of moods...then you have no soul. And you smell.

When You Gonna Eat Dat Pickle?

I have a friend that cracked me up through email today. The situation was this : For lunch she was going to be a McDonald's Menuairre (which in itself is awesome) but decided to go to a local sandwich shop instead. As she was eating her pickle, she looked at the wrapper it came in and it had a sticker that said 'Monday'. Two day old pickle. Gross. As she was leaving her office for the day, she sent me an email telling me to have a good night and ended with : "Don't go to Jason's Deli tonight, unless you want a pickle with a case of the Mondays."

That's awesome sauce.

Have You Ever...

Have you ever needed to get out of the office really quickly on account of the monstrous bubble that had been forming in your stomach all morning, now deciding that it wants to sing you a song such as the chorus of Guns N Roses' Welcome To The Jungle only to start right before you make it out the door in the open hallway that makes any sound resonate like you're listening to a concert at the philharmonic and then go mute after you make it across the doorway?

Meeeeeee either.

Libby Done Good

My new friend Libby over at her blog has brought some wonderful news. They officially received their daughter! Officially! To think of the bond a mother has with a biological baby is a great thing...but to think of a mom willing to be that bond for a baby that also deserves everything this world has to offer....it's just awesome. I'm actually happy that I finally have some great news to post about rather than my seemingly daily war with all food establishments. Just yesterday :

I would like a #1 with a coke.

A cheeseburger...plain?

I won't go in to the rest of the language war with the McRussian.

Everyone that reads this mess, go over and read some Libby. Maybe even say congrats. They've done a great great thing.

This Post Was Brought To You By The Letters F and U

As I sit here working feverishly at my job, trying to make sure I get the most out of my day.... for some reason I think about the alphabet.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

Does anyone else see the same things as I do? Like the fact that M and N are twin brothers. Fraternal twins. Or S (the female) and T (the male) are married? L,M,N,O and P are in some type of street gang. A,B and C are very pretentious because people say to kids "can you say your ABC's?" and not "can you say the alphabet?" Then you have the outcasts X,Y and Z that just seem to be happy to be included.

I swear I've only had water to drink today.

Dear New Girl In The Complex Using The Gym At The Same Time As I Am

Dear New Girl In The Complex Using The Gym At The Same Time As I Am,

Hi. Nice to meet you. It seems there might be small problem here. I have no problem sharing weights and such. I don't even mind chatting a little bit. I probably won't say much because 1. I don't say much anyway and B. I'm working out. Here is my problem.... don't bring your phone in and decide that this is the time you will listen to your 97 voice mails...on speaker...as loud as humanly possible. It's just distracting and annoying and no one wants to hear your business. The good news is that you did in fact do jumping jacks and you have big boobs. So I will let you off with a warning. See you tomorrow?

Love Always,

Guy Easily Distracted

The Innocence Of Children

Quote of The Day :

Scene : Thousands of people on the lawns at a university, waiting for the fireworks show to start. A small boy (age 4 or 5) is chasing his sister (age 7 or 8), when the older sister yells out to her younger brother :

"Bears can't have guns!!! Plus, it's bad for the environment!!!"

I believe the children are our future.....

How You Doin'?

That's right... you and me.


"So your gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker dont's, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"


Everyone be safe this weekend.