Down

I found a song that I can't seem to get its lyrics out of my head and I found it at the precise time in my life when I really shouldn't have. But it's me so of course I did...

I don't know where I'm at...

I'm standing at the back,

And I'm tired of waiting.

Waiting here in line,

Hoping that I'll find

What I've been chasing...

I have found it so difficult to judge and know when it's okay to just let go. Not like when you tell yourself that you are letting go and you know it's just another lie again. And again. I'm talking about the true understanding and mental release of something. When you tell yourself... it's enough.

I shot for the sky,

I'm stuck on the ground.

So why do I try? I know I'm gonna fall down.

I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

Never know why it's coming down, down, down.

You can tell yourself over and over that things might work out. Might. Things might work out. And you believe it. Wholeheartedly. You have no choice but to because the other choice is to forget... which can seem beyond comprehension.

Not ready to let go, cause then I'd never know

What I could be missing.

But I'm missing way too much,

So when do I give up what I've been wishing for?

It's difficult. Reality. Sometimes reality can be the shoulder you need. Or the phone call that saves you. It can also be the brick wall you hit. The words you didn't want to read. The moment that you didn't want to feel. You spend so much time chasing your version of what you want reality to represent, that brick wall comes at you so fast. The words and moments... can break you.

Oh I am going down, down, down.

Can't find another way around

I don't want to hear the sound...

Of losing what I never found.

I can't stop what leads me to act. To feel. But, I can't put people in places where I need them... when they can't even see me.

When you tell yourself... it's enough.

*sorry for the lack of posts and for the recent "serious" ones. These serious ones are so random and basically just thoughts typed out without any sense of reason or structure... it's starting to annoy me so I can only imagine what you must think reading them (don't tell me).

Results Of Surfing Last Night

I just thought this was funny.

Questions

I'm stealing yet another idea. It's cool, she said I could. She even said she would take part. Kind of like a homeowner being there during the break-in and helps the crook carry the flat screen out to the truck parked around the corner. Thanks Aly.

Okay, here it is. Questions. I want them. You can email me or leave them in the comment section. They can be about me, the blog, how dreamy I really am... whatever... they're your questions. Anything goes. (Except for you. Yes, you.)

Get creative. I hope to have more than one response at least so I can make a post out of them instead of it looking like I just copied and showed everyone an email from someone asking where I get inspiration my for the blog*.

Questions. Go.

*rainbows.

People Should Read You. Just Because.

I just read a post from one of my favorite bloggers. It was one of those posts that after reading it, you close your laptop and just sit. You're not bored or confused but your mind is racing. You sit there and can still read the words in your head. You leave with a different perspective than you had going in. Best part is that this post didn't want exposure. It was on the site...just because. Sometimes, posts can be therapy. Simple as that. Just for the writer. Not for the tons of comments and praise which it would've have been awarded, but for the opportunity to simply breathe. To take some time and let some stuff out. Sure it's great to entertain but it can be just as rewarding to be honest with yourself. I'm not going to advertise this post or the author because that would defeat its original purpose and validity. And I think that is awesome. My current post probably doesn't make any sense to anyone and I'm okay with that. The reason I'm okay with it is because from now on, every time I cross this post in the future, I will know exactly what it means and be thankful for that author with the reminder that it's okay to write for yourself.

To simply breathe.

Communists, Titus And Meatball Marinara

It's been awhile folks. Part stress. Part writer's block. Part flu. Part house. Part life. One major downfall to my absence with the blogging is that my employment has taken Blogger away from me. Communists. So that left me with the task of thinking of blog topics after I get home. My brain shuts off at 5:00 p.m. like clockwork. So it was easy to let days and days go by abandoning this place.

There is all the house remodeling that is still being done. A lot has been done but still so much more to do. I did get my first church guy knocking on my door today. His name was Titus....so I felt obliged to hear him out. There was also getting sick this past week. That's fun for no one. I can get... iffy.... when I'm sick. The writer's block seems to always follow me because I always have the assumption that no one cares what I wonder or write about. Makes it easy for those non-writing days to pile up on each other.

The stress.... So many factors. House. Work. Family. Old friends. New friends. New friends you want to actually see and hang out with but timing likes to F it up. Old friends you miss but can't seem to touch base with. Stress. Ugh. Good things? Well the house IS coming along and I do STILL have a job to pay for the house. I'm not homeless.... so there's that. I had a meatball marinara sandwich from Subway today which has been my favorite sandwich growing up and haven't had in years. It was pretty much all I needed today. Sad.

If you got this far with the post, you must really know what it means to be in a rut. A very random thoughts kind of rut. It's good though, I could use the company.

Friday Funny

Dear Guy Next To Me At The Thunder vs Lakers Game

Dear Guy Next To Me At The Thunder vs Lakers Game,

Hey man. Great game huh? Almost pulled out a win. Overtime and everything. Looks like the team is getting better so that's good, right? Here's the thing... the seats are pretty close to each other. I understand when building an arena, you want to get the most seats in as possible. More seats, better chance of more money. Basic economics. Got it. Listen, you were too close. If my legs were uncomfortably together, why would it be okay for your legs to be out like a baseball catcher? I'm pretty sure that one time when you went to scratch your leg, you scratched my knee. Thanks for the awkwardness, really. Move over. Lean on your friend. I have a way of deciding when someone is too close. Want to know how I determine the Too Close Factor? I can feel you breathe. Plus you were sweaty. It's gross. Move.

Good game though,

Guy That Can Still Feel You Breathing And Feels Like Vomiting

I'm Writing Somewhere Else Today

Today I am guest posting over at Calling People Names. The topic happens to be : The Women In Your Life. Knowing that I'm single, it makes Aly just awful and mean. (sigh) Since there's not a woman.... in the significant other sense..... currently..... in my life (thanks again), I took some time and wrote about some of my friends. All women which totally counts. Yes Alyson... it totally counts.

Check it out

Picture Perfect

Winnie the Pooh... Winnie the Pooh...tubby little buddy all stuffed with fluff...