One thing I hate is the grocery store. I'm pretty sure it's just my attitude towards people and their lack of manners, but yeah... I hate it. I'm a person that if not interrupted, can get a weeks worth of food in about 10 minutes. Check out is another 10 minutes. Sacks in car and on the road another 5-10 minutes. A full weeks worth of groceries in about 25-30 minutes. Non interrupted shopping. It just works for me. People should have purpose and resolve when shopping for food. It should be a requirement. I don't understand how people can window shop for food. How they can stroll along with their cart down each aisle, acting like the decision to choose hamburger helper or chicken helper is like picking a religion. I dunno...
So I was at the grocery store last night.
I wasn't going in for a week's worth. As soon as I walked in, I noticed just how annoyingly busy it was. I also noticed there was a line for carts. A line. So I thought I would just make spaghetti. Easy. Delicious. A crowd of one pleaser. I grab the spaghetti and the sauce and stuff them in my coat pockets. No way am I standing in line for a cart.
I receive a phone call. It's a talker. Wonderful. My impeccable manners forced me to try and find a spot so I could talk on the phone and not be in the way of anyone. Turns out every place I stood, a cart needed that space. I get to an aisle where no one is in it. "Finally, I can wrap this call up. I know, I'll stand by the bag of cereal section. Who buys bags of cereal?"
Three people. I stand there in an empty aisle for 5 seconds and one, two, three people need giant bags of cereal.
I get off the phone and grab some ground beef. I head over to the frozen section where the garlic bread is located. I notice that on one side of the bread are frozen pizzas. On the other side are lasagna's and pasta dinners. As I grab my garlic bread and start to step away, A very large woman has eyed the lasagna's. She has positioned her cart and belly in such a manner that my only option was to turn and walk the other way. As I start to turn, same thing happens. Another large woman... fixated on the pizzas.
I was trapped between obesity and pre-packaged Italy.
I actually had to wait until one of them moved their cart so I could get out. Believe me, personal space is key in this situation and they were eating it all up. I do have heart though. I do feel bad for those who struggle with weight. Those that actually try and are in the store looking to better their diet by buying some... oh, I don't know... vegetables. But you give me one with a cart full of Cheetos, shame and laziness and my only option is to write about you. I think that's fair. I made it to the checkout and in the car... I still felt closed in. I felt trapped by hungry bellies.
I ate a sandwich last night. It was too soon for Italian. I'll see how tonight goes.
27 comments:
God I hate the grocery store.
I'm an in and out merchant myself. I make a list. If it isn't on the list, it isn't going in the cart. For a person that doesn't generally move fast (and most of the people in the South don't) it's strange that I'm a speed shopper. I think it's got more to do with the people than anything else. I hate running in to people. I'm socially awkward when it's not a prearranged meeting.
Very funny, fucker.
Having Italian sausage for lunch. Not kidding.
I'm stuck on the jar of sauce part.
ew.
I have a list and I am thorough (I have six very picky people to feed) but I don't usually buy pre-made junk (although that stouffers frozen lasagna isn't all that bad...) and I'm not trapping young men in the aisles with my ignorance and giant belly.
I don't have a giant belly...and didn't even when I weighed 40 pounds more. And I eat a lot of veggies.
That jarred sauce has a surprising amount of sugar and sodium in it...you should really try to make your own.
I made it last night...I stew fresh tomatoes in a pan with a lid, water, garlic, onions and spices till they're mushy. Throw it all in the blender, put it back in the pan and add sauteed veggies (last night was zucchini and mushrooms)...it's SOOO much better than the jarred stuff. AND all natural.
I love the grocery store. I can't help myself. And because my husband hates it, and will watch the baby while I go, it is my Oasis. I especially like the fancy ones where they give out samples. Bliss.
Oh, yeah, and stay away from the bottle sauce. I hear it has kitten tears in it.
Yuck. Grocery stores are the worst. I should know, I worked the entire grocery store circuit from high school to ... like two years ago.
Now I can hardly stand to go in one. I always have to bribe myself with treats!
There's a reason why I only went grocery shopping/Super Wal-Marting around 1 or 2am while in college. The place would be EMPTY and I could get in and out in 10 minutes :)
The stores around here have been insanity for the past few days. The news stations have been building this snow storm up like it was going to be the end of days, so people have been fist-fighting through the stores for bottled water and canned goods.
Me? As long as I've got a case of beer and sandwich meat, I'll survive the snow. I'm not fighting those crazies for the last of the green beans.
i buy bags of cereal and hate people who have conversations on their phones in the grocery. we should NOT shop together.
I HATE people that don't go with a list and a purpose. David does that and always wants me to tag along...it drives me insane.
I totally would have given one of those women 'the look' and said, "Excuse me!" But, that's just me...I have no reservations about telling people to move out of my frickin' way!
And quick question...did you eventually PAY for the stuff you put in your pockets? LOL!
I make a big circle. I grab a cart, get some momentum going, and pretty soon it's like the Indy 500.
When I'm going that fast with a shopping cart, people tend to step out of the way. Or I run 'em down.
If what I need isn't in that circle, then I really don't need it.
I only shop from one store. Just one. So I know that store (like the back of a cliche). I have made a printable shopping list that lists items by aisle. I look at my list and say, "Nope, don't need anything from that aisle. Moving along." This saves a tremendous amount of time, even though it totally appears that I suffer from OCD.
Not only that, but I hate the social aspect of it as well. I hate bumping into people I know. I hate middle-of-the-aisle chatters. I hate it when the cashier won't stop yapping to the customers before me. I think that is the most annoying part. I'm not above saying something similar to this:
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, but I need to get back home sometime today. Could you kindly do your fucking job?"
Just reading this made me feel itchy. If a store is too busy, I turn right back around and leave. Oh, God. I'm feeling queazy thinking about it.
And making sauce? Sounds magical, but who has time for that luxury? I barely have time to crack open the jar and boil the dried noodles.
Oh no. I am one of those indecisive shoppers. But, I promise I don't trap people in the frozen pizza aisle with my gigantic belly.
Yet. Give me time.
supermarket shopping is just another of dante's circle's of hell.
and this week, as snow has completely buggered london, the market is running out of everything. if things don't improve we may be forced to kill and eat our neighbours by this thursday.
Jules - we should grocery shop together. and bust heads.
owo - are you shy?
j2 - are you judging me?
erin - now I know YOU are. (i still like you though)
libby - here's the good thing : I hate kittens.
chiefy - do you get the treats at the store or different kind of treats?
kate- oh i love green beans. just FYI.
claire - i think you are flirting with me.
crystal - i did pay for the stuff. only because the jars weighed like 12 pounds. it was noticeable.
sally - i need you to teach me the indy 500 way. not to shop but to run down old ladies.
angela - you had me at fucking job.
jen. o - finally. another can fan. (i just made that up.)
birdy - as long as you strive for something. go for it.
sas - go for the ass. i hear it's pretty chewy.
I also hate the grocery store. It's too cold in there. They should have separate but equal grocery stores for people who like to be warm.
not judging you...I'm questioning your taste in prego.
And don't tell me you "add stuff to the pot" or some such bullshit.
I posted a..post (redundant?) a while back, on it had my quick sauce. Go make it.
Unbearably.
It astounds me how unaware of their surroundings most people are.
amber - but what about all the freezers with all the ice cream goodness?
J2 - fine. I'll go to the archives. i don't like to do research you know.
OWO - i knew it.
Mami - welcome... all i know is that this wouldn't happen in the 50's.
I decided to take the approach that the supermarket is ALWAYS going to suck and if I get out of there fairly quickly then it's a treat. Kind of like expect the worst so you're not disappointed.... Not the best philosophy in life to follow, but a good food-shopping one. I'm eating at grandma's tonight:)
Thanks for adding me to you blog roll by the way! I'm TOTALLY better than you.
It's an intense training process. It takes all of five minutes (required for the necessary momentum).
Also, if you hit an old lady, you get their AARP discount, and a free bag of Werther's. It's a little known fact, J.
I'm not good at grocery shopping when it's busy either ... I don't get road rage, but I most definitely get shopping trolley rage.
Fortunately the combination of living at home, 24 hr supermarkets and having gullible friends who can be easily conned into getting items for me when they do their shopping has made my psychotic behaviour a thing of the past :)
Cindy - that is a pretty awesome way to go into the whole grocery store hell. and of course I added you... It's not like you were heavy or anything.
Sally - Teach me.
GI - Pretty happy right now. and make friends do your dirty work...noted.
I get totally furious when I get trapped in an aisle or some one is trying to move into my area before I'm done, OR there in the spot I need to be. Ugh! I feel totally stressed from reading this post now!
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